Dark Side of the Joon
Texts From My Ex: A Play in One Act

Alternate title: Conversations with the Functionally Retarded

Part of the “This Shit Actually Happens to Me” Collection

Ex: You’re pregnant?

Me: I am.

Ex: Is it mine?

Me: Gross. We haven’t had sex in like a year, genius.

Ex: I don’t know how pregnant you are!

Me: You think I could be pregnant for a year?

Ex: So it’s definitly (sic) not mine?

Me: NO. Are you retarded?

Ex: Guess I doged (sic) a bullet!

Me: You and me both, Rainman.

Ex: Rainman?