I’ve kept my Tumblr pretty low key. Every once in a while I consider sharing it more with my friends of family but I end up being more and more happy that I haven’t. It’s a nice place to vent about pretty much everything and not have to worry about it.
I’m going to go ahead and take advantage of that right now. I know that no one that lives anywhere near me reads this, so I don’t have to worry that it will be seen as me “fishing” for anything. I just need to get this out of my head and my heart because it’s really bothering me and I don’t want to be thinking about it anymore. So here we go.
I don’t really have any friends. My “closest” friend is actually someone that lives 2 states over. I don’t really make friends because I’m this weird, freakish anomaly that doesn’t fit in anywhere.
I’m a single mom, so the family chicks don’t want to hang out with me. They’re husband feels like the 3rd wheel and I don’t always have my kids to make playdates with, or someone to watch my kids when I do have them. The single chicks don’t want to hang out with me because we have nothing in common at all - my life is totally wrapped up in my kids and I’m always busy and exhausted.
I’m kinda poor, so the middle and upper class people feel weird around me. I can’t talk to them about my college days, or my new car, and I don’t throw big dinner parties or have a nanny and I can’t afford to go on long weekends with them to the lake or go shopping with them all the time. My purse isn’t made by Coach.
I’m not really prone to acting poor either though, so I don’t do what so many of the other poor, single moms do. I don’t smoke weed, or watch Nascar, or drink to my head at dive bars, or watch every episode of Teen Mom or whatever. I don’t dig on the cycle of dramatic relationships.
I don’t eat Quinoa, I don’t have a gluten allergy. I don’t know. I’m just a fucking weirdo I guess. When I do like people, they don’t seem to like me.
Most of the time I’m okay with this. I don’t have time to be super social anyway, so most of my social life is on Twitter, Facebook, email or whathaveyou anyway. i can be pretty independent, but I try to at least keep in touch. I ask people about their lives, their kids, their jobs. I reach out.
I’m pregnant and no one is throwing me a baby shower. Lots of people ask to be invited. They tell me to make sure to register for gifts. But none of them really cares enough or likes me enough to actually throw the damn thing. You don’t throw yourself a baby shower, that’s pathetic and trashy. It’s not really even about the gifts - though it will be sad to not have the friends around me cooing and gushing about the adorable outfits. What’s sad is we’re going to have a baby and no one is going to celebrate that with us. No one cares enough. Not even MY MOM. (Disclaimer: my mom never does any of that shit.)
I guess it just feels lonely. Just one more reminder that I’m somehow weird and broken.